We All Need Quiet

We all need quiet, even the most extroverted of us. With a full time career that involves a lot of interaction and communication, a husband, who also works full time, and two smallish children, life stays pretty busy around here…and noisy.

I take great comfort in the example of Jesus who often went off to pray, alone. I’ve always imagined him in beautiful shaded landscapes or along the shoreline…sometimes surrounded by lush green growth with sun or moonlight filtering through the leaves, other times in the sand under the shade of a tree with water lapping against the dry earth as birds hovered above or skittered back and forth on the land. His beloved friends and disciples may have only been a stone’s throw away, but he still gave himself the opportunity to separate himself, to be quiet, to disconnect from the here and now and to focus on something greater.

Stepping away from others and into beauty and creation at least once a day helps me to center in my connection with God. It helps me breath in new life and the love that will sustain me as well as flow out in my relationships with others. Without these refreshing moments of renewal, my interactions with others can lack the depth I seek or the kindness I wish to share.

I will admit that I haven’t been completely successful in giving myself permission to do this everyday. I do pray every day, but it is not always the quiet connection with creation and silence that I need for full renewal. That being the case, it’s important that several times a year, I create opportunities for myself to have even longer times of reflection. Silent retreats have been especially refreshing in my spiritual journey.

The first Friday of every month, a group of women, some regulars, some new, gather for silence at St. Columba Conference Center in Bartlett, Tennessee. The St. Clare retreats are open to all women of any denomination and have been taking place over 12 years. As one woman explained during my last visit to St. Columba, “don’t wait until you are old and wise”…to take advantage of the opportunity to be quiet, to pray, to study and to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation for yourself.

Before each retreat begins, participants have an opportunity to greet one another over coffee. The retreat itself opens in prayer and the presentation of a short reflection with the beautiful wooded background of the St. Columba property in the background. Afterwards, hours of silence in which participants are encouraged not to make eye contact and disturb someone else’s quite begin. You can read, you can knit, you can sketch, you can journal and you can walk the property, which includes wooded paths, fields and a beautifully created labyrinth lined with moss and stones. In cool weather, you might curl up by the fire with a cup of tea or as it warms find yourself in a rocking chair on the screened in porch. Nuthatches, cardinals, blue jays and wrens flit about in the brush as you look out the windows and inspirational quotes catch your eye as you move from place to place in the retreat center.  An all-transactions-silent bookstore is available for you to peruse at your leisure.

As you find that your soul has been renewed, a gentle bell begins to ring summoning you to another communal prayer gathering. The silence is over, but it is ok. You have been welcomed back to the laughter and noise of your everyday life. Women throughout the room bravely share what inspiration and thoughts may have come to them during their time of quiet. Sometimes prayers are shared, as are revelations and words of gratitude.

There are smiles. Eyes are sparkling. Shoulders have relaxed. Breathing has gained greater depth. The retreat closes as the women gather around tables in the dining room for a delicious homemade lunch prepared by the St. Columba staff. It’s as if we’ve found the renewed energy and innocence of children and are being rewarded with a meal prepared by loving hands. Whether walking away in the rain or the full sunshine, each retreat for me has been filled with light and love.

Although I highly recommend attending a St. Columba retreat or something similar in your neck of the woods, please remember you can create this type of renewal for yourself wherever you are. Take some time out for yourself. Find a special reading or meditation. Find something beautiful to surround yourself, whether it is retreating to the outside, lighting a candle, reflecting on a painting or sitting in a favorite room or bench at the park…just take some time out. Be quiet. Be good to yourself. Reconnect with you and with God.

With love and light,

LT

A Soft Spot for Lent

I have a soft spot for Lent. Not only does my church, Calvary Episcopal Church, do Lent like no other with the Lenten Series and Waffle Shop, Lent has been a significant game changer in my life, as I know it was for Jesus, too.

Do you know about Lent? In Christian communities, it’s often a time in which the readings about Jesus living into His ministry are read and discussed. For forty days and nights (the same number that Jesus spent in the wilderness) churches around the world reflect on Jesus’ life as it leads towards the cross and ultimately our salvation at the cross. Too much? Take a step back and let me share a story.

I grew up in a church that followed liturgical seasons. You’re probably familiar with them, too, regardless of your religious practice (Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Easter, Pentecost, Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Easter, Pentecost, Advent, etc., etc., etc.). You get it. Each season has a significant focus on the life of Jesus and the Christian faith, and each season includes a series of readings from the Bible so that throughout the year, participants in liturgical services end up hearing a significant account of Jesus’ life as well as readings from the Old Testament (the first part of the Bible) leading up to His life. It’s pretty amazing how in depth the study can be and how much of the Bible is actually read through this practice.

I grew up hearing all of these readings and following cycle after cycle of seasons, year after year, but in my early 30’s, Lent made a significant impact. It was one of those major hill climbs on my spiritual journey. And when I say hill, I mean reaching towards the peak.

I was a youngish wife and mother of two, working hard both professionally and in trying to live out God’s call for me to do good or share my gifts or whatever it was that I still hadn’t totally figured out. Feeling a strong pull towards something different, towards something that might help others, I left my job of eight years, a job with great meaning, a place with beloved colleagues and a ministry in itself. It was not without a lot of prayer that I made this leap of faith towards something new.

It was only weeks into my decision that I started to wonder if I had misunderstood what I felt strongly as a calling. I was confused and hurt. I could not understand how the positive and powerful spiritual pull I had felt had lead to something so painful and difficult. I prayed. I prayed hard. I called upon friends. I asked for help and guidance.

Eventually, a thought settled on me. In my new career, I no longer felt as if I was using my gifts and talents to serve others, something important to me in both my profession and ministry. I decided if I was not using them in my professional work, I would need to make sure I was using them elsewhere.

I called upon a local church to see if I might offer my services. Although my confidence was badly bruised from my current predicament, I knew I had a lot of experience to offer as a communications specialist as well as a lay-leader bible study facilitator. I offered to help facilitate a bible study at their church as well as to help coordinate their communications volunteers. The bible study was to start the Thursday before the first Sunday of Lent and a volunteer organizing meeting would happen a few weeks later.

The readings during that Lent were cathartic. Interestingly enough, they are very similar year to year. As I studied the main gospel lesson with the several women who gathered on Thursdays that Lent, I found myself healing. I found myself strengthening. I realized that just as Jesus was tempted in the desert, I was finding myself tested. I realized that I too had the strength inside me to resist that temptation and that I wasn’t going to put a bushel over my head any longer.

I made a decision to make a change. Interestingly enough, just as I closed the door on the oppression I was experiencing, God opened a window. To this day, it remains one of the most amazing moments of answered prayer in my life. After several weeks of Lenten bible study, being guided to and surviving the wilderness and walking the ministry of Jesus towards Jerusalem, I stood before a group of volunteers wanting to learn more about how they could help share the message of their church. After the gathering, a kind man walked up to me and asked me if I was happy with my current employment. I answered him honestly and said, “no.” The window opened. The job of my dreams awaited me, one I knew would make the difference I was praying for.

When I walked away from the church building that night, I opened the doors to the outdoors and the trumpets of angels were blaring. It was the local train coming through blowing it’s horn, but the timing could not have been more perfect for angels’ trumpets, and it will forever be angels’ trumpets blaring through that night that awaiting me as I walked in a new direction towards light out of darkness.

Ah Lent, it does have a soft spot in my heart. It is not easy. It is challenging, but it is oh so worth it, for Easter and resurrection is coming, my friend. There is always a way out of the darkness. We just have to find the path. We have to be willing to make the study, to open our eyes, our ears, our minds, our hearts to the possibility that there is another way and that God wants to lead us there.

I also want to note that there was great purpose in that trying time before the angels’ trumpets blared. I will forever be thankful for each and every person that crossed my path during that time and the lessons learned from each of them. Without that experience, I would not have been prepared for the new path before me.

I wish you the most blessed and thoughtful Lent. I hope that angels blare their trumpets for you. Just know that you might have to do a little homework to hear them.

In 2014, Lent will begin March 4 and continue through April 17. You don’t have to wait to start attuning your ears, hearts, eyes and minds.

With love and light,

LT

Sick and Happy

So for the past three weeks, I’ve had some sort of bug. It started as a cold and then turned into bronchitis, which knocked me off my feet for several days. To say the least, it has been frustrating. I’ve missed what normalcy can be expected in my day-to-day life. I’ve missed not being able to think straight because I just don’t have the brain power. I’ve missed not being able to help my children, especially reading them stories. I’ve missed conversations. I’ve missed being with people. I’ve missed my job and the people I work with. I’ve missed feeling useful. It’s been a bit of a downer to be honest.

But here are some things that have kept me positive while I’ve been sick…

I’ve loved listening to my husband and children giggle together and hearing them ask him for something first before they ask me. It makes me feel good about the solidarity of their relationships.

I’m proud of my team at work. I was incapable of helping them. They pulled together and made magic happen. It makes me happy that this week brought them greater self-confidence and reaffirmation of what they are doing.

I finished reading Ann Patchett’s collection of short stories and essays entitled “This is the Story of Happy Marriage.” If you relish in good writing, I highly recommend this compilation to you. It also reminds me how thankful I am for the circle of friends who I read and discuss books with regularly. Although I can’t be with them as often as I would like, their presence in my life brings me comfort and solidarity.

I was reminded how much I miss my small group ministry of bible study and the strength I gain from going to church every Sunday. These two disciplines are key to helping me stay centered. Thank God that Calvary Episcopal Church posts their sermons online every week for those of us unable to make it to services. And I know my Thursday Theological Thinkers were praying for me, which helped me feel less lonely during my illness. One kind friend even brought me soup, which warmed my heart immensely. (My little Abby was quick to point out that this same friend brought us fresh baked bread as well.)

I got texts and e-mails from people who knew I was sick and those who didn’t. Each were sweet reminders of how connected I am in a greater web of caring that goes beyond my own understanding.

My point being made here is that no matter how down one may feel there are so many rays of light that shine through those cloudy moments to try and warm our hearts and heal us. My little Abby is curled up next to me and has just read aloud this blog to me. She smells good, fresh from the bath. Her little giggle lights up my heart. Earlier her little brother William sat with me, just as close, while I read. His hand was on my elbow and his little foot was resting on mine. I smiled and sighed with relief. I know I’m loved. I think I’ll mend.

I wish you all wellness and happiness. Please know that you are loved, too. The signs are closer than you think. Try to open all of your senses and welcome in the light. Looking forward to writing again to you soon.

With love and light,

LT