Light Over Darkness

Just when you think times can’t get darker, in comes the season of light. When your mind has turned all night, the sun begins to rise. It’s another day. You don’t know what direction to turn and suddenly a kind word of wisdom points the way.

Today marked the first day of Advent leading to the celebration of Christmas. Candles were lit around the world encouraging thoughtful and prayerful opening of hearts and minds to the way that love can change the world. I can’t think of better timing!

I certainly could use Advent and its wonderful time for reflection and preparation and its powerful reminders of comfort and joy to be found in the story of a child born in a manger and his short time among us on Earth.

Jesus said, “There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars, and on the earth distress among nations confused by the roaring of the sea and the waves. People will faint from fear and foreboding of what is coming upon the world, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. Then they will see ‘the Son of Man coming in a cloud’ with power and great glory. Now when these things begin to take place, stand up and raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”  (Luke 21:25-28)

What a lovely invitation continues to be extended to us year after year. We may have to wait for Christmas Day, but we never have to wait for its gift to us. We don’t have to wait for a special day, for a year, for an hour or even another minute. We just have to be willing to accept the invitation for a better life, a life of light.

“Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility...” (From A Collect for the First Sunday of Advent, Book of Common Prayer, pg. 211)

Take comfort in the fact that darkness, no matter how dark it may be, will never win against the light. Take it into your heart and feel its strength and share it with others. With light and love you can change your world and the world of others for better.  

As we enter Advent, I am reminded of the other wonderful celebrations of light from around the world, especially our Hindu friends who just celebrated Diwali. A wonderful five-day festival, Diwali celebrates the victory of good over evil, knowledge over ignorance and light over darkness. Our Jewish friends celebration of Hanukkah begins soon as well, reminding us that there will always be enough oil to light the sacred lamp.

We have everything we need, my friends. Take a look at what may be keeping you in the dark and do what you need to do to let the light show you the way. Listen to those loving words of kindness from friends and family. Find the support of community. Read, pray, meditate, exercise, rest. Take time for yourself and do more for others. Make room for the light; it will give you life.

With love and light,

LT

Bad Day, Sweet Dreams

I went to bed with a smile on my face, but people, let me tell you, it took some effort!

I love my job. It allows me to easily go to work with my children and even sneak a hug at lunchtime most days. Believe me; I don’t take this incredible blessing for granted.

There are sometimes I get stretched thin. I’ve always been a give-110% kind of person. I don’t half do anything, which can be exhausting. Trying to be 110% at work, 110% wife and 110% mom, plus the other 110%’s I try…those numbers don’t really add up. I keep trying until I can barely see straight.

If I’m being honest, because doing a good job at work makes me feel like I’m making a difference in the lives of others including the life I provide for my husband and children, it often dominates my thoughts. It must be done well and meet my expectations of excellence. This includes the encouragement and empowerment of the team that reports to me. If productivity is disrupted, it weighs on me heavily.

So suddenly, I don’t sleep at night. Free time seems non-existent.

I pray. I always pray. But there have been times as of late that my prayers have seemed hollow. I don’t seem to be connecting with the right prayers to open myself up to the assistance I know I need. Each morning, among other prayers, I thank God for another opportunity to try again and ask for help acknowledging that I cannot do it without God’s help. I pray this and trudge on not truly opening myself and clearing my mind and heart for true help.

Yesterday I had had it. It felt like every other hour was another slap in the face. By the end of the day I was done. I was frustrated. I missed the time I had given up with my family, but I was too angry with the stress of the day to be able to even give quality time to them, which added to the frustration. So, I grit my teeth and worked to be as good as I possibly could to the people around me. This of course was not anywhere close to 110% but at least I was functioning. Everyone ate, everyone got their baths, everyone did their homework, teeth were brushed and stories were even read. Good night kisses were given and suddenly the house was quiet. I jumped in the bath.

By the time I was dry and in pjs, I realized the whole house was quiet. Andrew had even hit the sack. I knew I wasn’t ready. I needed something; I needed the quiet.

I read.

I watched a movie.

I gave myself some time. Uninterrupted time.

Thank God!

There I was. In my house and ok. My sweet babies were asleep upstairs. I gently checked on them and kissed them a second goodnight. As I slid into bed so as not to wake up Andrew, I curled up and began to dream. A smile came to my lips. Never have I had such delicious memories tell stories one after another in my mind. If this is what meditation allows, oh dear God, I hope I can do it again.

I met Andrew. There we were at the Grove again. I knew everything would be ok. The sun was shining.

Sweet baby Abby. She’s wearing the pink argyle dress and meeting all of Nannie’s friends for the first time. She is asleep in Miss Kathy’s lap.

Oh, William, “What an Ice Guy” you are showing off those baby toes and grinning in the Christmas lights.

We’re walking on a bright fall morning. Pushing up the hill to the playground. Giggles abound, and we all ignore the static on the slide. Round and round we go.

The memories kept coming; these were only a few.

I can’t remember when I drifted to sleep, but I do know there was a smile on my face. It never stopped.

Dear God, I thank you for always leading me back. I know you realize I mean well and that I just don’t always get it right. Thank you for helping me find a way to make it all right again so I can be better for you and yours.

With love and light,

LT

We All Need Quiet

We all need quiet, even the most extroverted of us. With a full time career that involves a lot of interaction and communication, a husband, who also works full time, and two smallish children, life stays pretty busy around here…and noisy.

I take great comfort in the example of Jesus who often went off to pray, alone. I’ve always imagined him in beautiful shaded landscapes or along the shoreline…sometimes surrounded by lush green growth with sun or moonlight filtering through the leaves, other times in the sand under the shade of a tree with water lapping against the dry earth as birds hovered above or skittered back and forth on the land. His beloved friends and disciples may have only been a stone’s throw away, but he still gave himself the opportunity to separate himself, to be quiet, to disconnect from the here and now and to focus on something greater.

Stepping away from others and into beauty and creation at least once a day helps me to center in my connection with God. It helps me breath in new life and the love that will sustain me as well as flow out in my relationships with others. Without these refreshing moments of renewal, my interactions with others can lack the depth I seek or the kindness I wish to share.

I will admit that I haven’t been completely successful in giving myself permission to do this everyday. I do pray every day, but it is not always the quiet connection with creation and silence that I need for full renewal. That being the case, it’s important that several times a year, I create opportunities for myself to have even longer times of reflection. Silent retreats have been especially refreshing in my spiritual journey.

The first Friday of every month, a group of women, some regulars, some new, gather for silence at St. Columba Conference Center in Bartlett, Tennessee. The St. Clare retreats are open to all women of any denomination and have been taking place over 12 years. As one woman explained during my last visit to St. Columba, “don’t wait until you are old and wise”…to take advantage of the opportunity to be quiet, to pray, to study and to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation for yourself.

Before each retreat begins, participants have an opportunity to greet one another over coffee. The retreat itself opens in prayer and the presentation of a short reflection with the beautiful wooded background of the St. Columba property in the background. Afterwards, hours of silence in which participants are encouraged not to make eye contact and disturb someone else’s quite begin. You can read, you can knit, you can sketch, you can journal and you can walk the property, which includes wooded paths, fields and a beautifully created labyrinth lined with moss and stones. In cool weather, you might curl up by the fire with a cup of tea or as it warms find yourself in a rocking chair on the screened in porch. Nuthatches, cardinals, blue jays and wrens flit about in the brush as you look out the windows and inspirational quotes catch your eye as you move from place to place in the retreat center.  An all-transactions-silent bookstore is available for you to peruse at your leisure.

As you find that your soul has been renewed, a gentle bell begins to ring summoning you to another communal prayer gathering. The silence is over, but it is ok. You have been welcomed back to the laughter and noise of your everyday life. Women throughout the room bravely share what inspiration and thoughts may have come to them during their time of quiet. Sometimes prayers are shared, as are revelations and words of gratitude.

There are smiles. Eyes are sparkling. Shoulders have relaxed. Breathing has gained greater depth. The retreat closes as the women gather around tables in the dining room for a delicious homemade lunch prepared by the St. Columba staff. It’s as if we’ve found the renewed energy and innocence of children and are being rewarded with a meal prepared by loving hands. Whether walking away in the rain or the full sunshine, each retreat for me has been filled with light and love.

Although I highly recommend attending a St. Columba retreat or something similar in your neck of the woods, please remember you can create this type of renewal for yourself wherever you are. Take some time out for yourself. Find a special reading or meditation. Find something beautiful to surround yourself, whether it is retreating to the outside, lighting a candle, reflecting on a painting or sitting in a favorite room or bench at the park…just take some time out. Be quiet. Be good to yourself. Reconnect with you and with God.

With love and light,

LT

An Introduction to Love and Light

Many years ago I made a deal with God. I’m not sure if you’re supposed to do that, but at the time, it seemed like the only thing to do. I had worked through the trials and tribulations of my early 20’s and had found my way back onto a path better lit for my journey through life.

The path I chose did not come without its challenges. When I finally reached a point of total confusion, I prayed:

“God, if you will let me have this family. I promise you, I will serve you when you call me.”

As those words left my lips, I felt immediately relieved of the burden I was carrying. My mind stopped spinning. My heartbeat steadied. My prayer was answered.

Since then, I’ve been thoughtfully and prayerfully discerning how best to hold up my end of the deal.

I had thought the answer would be as simple as the prayer. You may laugh at my naivety, but I truly believed what was causing me such strife before I struck my deal was indeed the answer. Upon many more years of reflection, stubbornness, and, yes, more confusion, I concluded my calling may be different then I had imagined.

I have been to the wilderness and back. I’ve made good choices and I’ve made bad choices. I’ve realized that what I thought I believed in, I didn’t really know.

I have learned much along life’s journey and am grateful to every loving guide that has helped me along the way. It is with great humility that I write the following stories and reflections in the hope of sharing light and love with others.

With God’s help, I present this book to you and pray:

God, may these words bring comfort and strength to those who read them. May these words engulf their reader in love as I know you so dearly love. May these words inspire and empower him or her to more clearly focus on what is good and right. May these words chase away the fear and darkness and shed light and happiness. May these words lead people to the answers or connections they may be seeking.

Dear God, help us to see as you see, to hear as you hear, to feel as you feel and to love as you love.

Thank you for the gifts and experiences that you have given me and thank you for leading me. My life is better with you.

I pray that these words make a difference. Amen. (So be it!)

With Love and Light,

LT