Red Sox Win! Lighting Up the Darkness

Boston is celebrating today after last night’s win of the World Series, and I am glad. I am glad that even after a great shared sadness like we experienced with Boston last spring, hope and celebration continue to shine out and remind people that we can overcome the ugliness that the world sometimes brings.

Only a short time after the twin towers were hit on 9/11, I found myself crammed into an office with my boss and two priests collaboratively writing a response and prayer about the tragedy that we were only just beginning to experience. It was my second day on the job.

With the Red Sox win last night, I was reminded of my later response to the Boston Marathon tragedy. As the commentators at the game referenced the Boston bombing, I recalled my reflection and prayer that shortly followed.

It’s hard to sleep some nights when you know the world is aching around you. I imagine God is aching, too. God is aching that his lost child could harm so cruelly, to hurt, to maim, to hatefully lash out.

Gods’ great love embraces and surrounds those wounded. The heart of hearts is swelling with power and greatness and rising up above the evil performed.

Life has been lost. But we are still living. We are sad, but on this dark night, the crickets are still singing.  We must raise our voices in song as well. Our numbers will swell. Our sound will ring out. We will drive out the darkness. We will overcome the hateful with our love. We will live. We will live. We will live.

My friends, unfortunately, in this world we live in, bad things do happen. But even on the darkest of days, the sun sets and the sun rises again. There is always light in the darkness.

Consider the power of the sun, that swirling mass that lights up our sky and illuminates the moon in the night.  Isn’t it a comfort in itself? The sun is just a star. The moon is just a rock, but God is all light, and God is all love. Now, imagine that power in your life. It is with you even on your darkest days.

With love and light,

LT

When the World Covers You Up

I’m having one of those weeks. It’s not a bad week. It’s just one of those weeks when I’m feeling covered up by the world. I’m doing, doing, doing and not a lot of being.

I’m reminded of a scene I stumbled across a couple of weekends ago while trying to keep up with my children at a local park. As I somewhat uncomfortably looked right and left for the boy child, who I had just lost sight of running from place to place, I turned back to the right and noticed light and calm. Shocked out of my own frantic pace to keep up, I noticed a friend of mine slowly swinging back and forth in an oversized wooden glider, hair shining in the fall sunlight as she and her son sat quietly, smiling, being. Just the sight allowed me a deep breath and a moment of balance. After a short hello, I was off again, smiling myself, to see what else my children had discovered at the park.

While considering how to pull myself out of this little funk of sorts this week, I remembered this simple moment at the park. It reminded me of how often God tries to get our attention when we are rushing through our days. We have so much to delight in each day; it’s unfortunate that we allow the world to seep in and halt that joyful connectedness to love and comfort. My guess is that similarly to my experience this week, there are days when the world just gets the best of you. You don’t feel necessarily unhappy, maybe you do, but you don’t feel elated or joyful or connected or centered.

We may be too busy too notice, but the love and support we need to get through those busy times is with us all the time. Just like that flash of light and noticing my friend enjoying that fall afternoon, God is sending us little love jolts ALL THE TIME. We’ve just got to notice them.

I wasn’t having a bad day at the park. I was out with my children and their friends, fulfilling a long promised play date. What I wasn’t doing was allowing myself to fully enjoy how God had created that special moment for me. I thought I had done it and to be honest, with that attitude, I wasn’t fully enjoying it. Acknowledging that God jolt enabled me to switch to a state of gratitude and connectedness, and I relaxed into the moment.

I encourage you to open yourself up to those God jolts as you move forward. I’m going to work on paying better attention to them, too.

Accept a kind word.

Rest.

Share a smile.

Be quiet.

Notice the colors in the sky.

Listen.

Consider a daily practice.

Read.

Watch the animals or children around you.

Unplug.

Look at the trees.

Stop.

Just breath.

Give yourself a timeout and pray.

Just notice, my friends. Even in your darkest moments, God is sending you out jolts of light. I promise, there are better moments to be experienced. Embrace them and know that you are loved.

With love and light,

LT

The Yellow Brick Road Discovery

I recently sat with my children while they watched “The Wizard of Oz” for the first time. We ended up all wrapped up in a chair together, small legs and arms all entwined, as they weren’t quite sure what to make of The Wicked Witch of the West. We started a practice of sticking out our tongues and blowing her a raspberry every time she arrived on screen.

While we were listening to the merry tunes and watching the traveling companions make their way down the yellow brick road, I reflected on what was really limiting Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion. It was Lion that got me started.

 

Towards the climactic end, fearful, scaredy cat Lion led the pack of friends up the mountain to rescue Dorothy. Despite his fear, he was brave. He just didn’t recognize it. His self-consciousness wouldn’t let him admit that he was already courageous even in the face of danger. I said out loud to my children, “See, you can be scared and brave at the same time.”

As I watched Lion lead the way, I thought through how Dorothy and each of her friends had been unaware of the gifts they already possessed. Even without a brain, so he thought, Scarecrow knew which way to go to get to Oz. It was the first way he directed Dorothy to go. He also saved the day when he realized that with the swing of Tin Man’s ax he could help his company escape from the Wicked Witch’s soldiers. He had those smarts all along. He just didn’t trust himself because surely a lowly Scarecrow could not think of such simple greatness.

From the moment we met Tin Man, he exuded kindness. The tone of his voice and kindness towards Dorothy and Scarecrow was evident, and throughout their adventures he continued to provide them positive encouragement time and time again. His empathy brought tears to his eyes. If that’s not heart, I don’t know what is.

Sweet Dorothy…the way home was with her all along. She only had to believe. She had to realize that she was running away from love. She had been surrounded by family and friends who caught her when she fell, stood up to wickedness even though at the time they felt powerless, waited patiently for her return and joyously celebrated as she opened her eyes.

I hope and pray that you find the positive inspiration you need to discover the unique and wonderful you and that you recognize how deeply you are loved.

• Are you on a search? Who/what are the positive or negative voices of reason in your life? Are you listening to them?
• What gifts and talents are you not recognizing or accepting in yourself?
• What is holding you back from accepting and using your gifts and talents?

I AM HERE

I once had a hand drawn sign in my office that stated, “I AM HERE.” It was colorful and bright like the sunrise or sunset. The letters were carefully crafted and the color of the blue sky.

Since I’ve switched jobs, the sign has been misplaced among other keepsakes, but the memory of a certain conversation helps to remind me of the sign’s signifigance.

Several weeks after the sign’s posting at perfect eye level to the whiteboard across from my desk, a friend and colleague walked into my office and asked me if I had installed it to remind myself of where I was. I smiled and probably blushed a bit, caught of guard with the opportunity to share the sign’s origin.

Re-reading the sign and feeling courage well up inside me, I took a calming breath and said, “The sign is a reminder that I am not alone."

I had a lot of friends at the time who were concerned as to whether or not they would spend their days alone. Some were facing challenging illnesses or addictions. Loved ones had been buried leaving others behind to sort through the next chapter without their presence. Uncertainty in jobs and career paths had left many in wonder of what life was to look like. Others questioned their qualifications for raising children. Concern seemed to be prevalent to so many. Worry. Worry. Worry.

My mother shares with me, I came by worry honestly. It’s not surprising. I can’t think of a person that doesn’t worry, whether they openly admit it or not.

I’m convinced that we worry because we care.

I’m thankful that throughout my lifetime I’ve caught glimpses, breaths, sights, sounds and feelings that have given me that beautiful and pure sense that I am loved and that I am not alone, that I can let go of the worry, if only I allow it for a moment.

The “I AM HERE” card was a reminder of that.

During a time when I’m quite sure I was worrying, I had a dream. I’m not sure what was taking place in the dream, but I vividly remember a voice saying clearly and powerfully, “I AM HERE.” This was repeated several times and then I slept on. When I woke up, I knew exactly who had uttered those words, and I could feel…I knew…I was not alone. The worry ceased and life felt better.

Does that sound too simple? If so, what’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with life feeling simpler, feeling better, feeling less stressful, feeling happier or richer? I can’t think of anything.

So let me invite you to sit down and make your own “I AM HERE” card reminder because I promise you, you are not alone.

Get your markers or colored pencils out (or borrow your kid’s). Use your favorite ink pen from your desk. Carefully write out those letters and think about what it means for you that the great I AM is here for you and with you.

You are not alone in your concerns. God is with you, loving you and supporting you.

You are not alone in your sadness. God is with you, loving you and reaching out to hold you.

You are not alone in your joy. God is with you, loving you and celebrating with you.

I AM HERE

• Spend time concentrating on the times you have felt loved and supported. These moments may be from expected or unexpected places.
• Try to carve out some time each day when you allow yourself to silence your worry and open yourself up to an “I AM HERE” moment.
• Have you experienced an “I AM HERE” moment(s)? Reflect on how this experience has shaped you.

In the Back of the Room

Early in life, my mother gave me the choice between gymnastics or dance lessons. I had to choose one. I remember it being a tough decision, but I ultimately choose dance. I alternated between teal green matching tights and leotard and a sky blue ensemble and enthusiastically arrived for each dance lesson prepared for what instruction awaited me on those wooden floors.

Over the years, my lessons increased from two days a week to every day of the week. I delighted in each class whether it be tap, jazz or ballet and expanded my studies to include two different dance studios.

It may sound cliché, but when I dance it truly is for the love of dance. I love the way I can feel every muscle in my body tightening or releasing into the correct shape or movement. It feels like strength and balance and beauty all at once. Everything is in the right place if only for a moment before changing to the next position. It is energizing and empowering and joyful. The beat of the music courses through my body and my muscles surprise me as they move to the rhythm. In a word, it just feels good.

I can still do all of my time steps and gracefully glissade across a floor, but the dance lesson that strikes a chord the most strongly with me is not a dance lesson at all; it just took place during a dance class.

At some point during high school, some of the coming-of-age social issues I had struggled with seemed to compound. I can’t put my finger on exactly what was causing my anxiety at the time. It was too long ago and being a teenager can be confusing. I know that there was a boyfriend. There were also girls that weren’t too pleased about the boyfriend. There were friends that turned out not to be friends and there were comparisons to others that didn’t quite seem to fit me. It was confusing. I was sad.

At my dance classes, I started to move but not with the music. I started to move to the back of the room. Without saying anything from week to week, I moved myself from the front row to the middle row and finally to the back where I lifelessly executed the required steps. It didn’t seem to matter. I was still back there participating. I didn’t think much of it actually. I was pretty wrapped up in just being sad.

Then, one day, I was surprised. After a week or so of hanging out in the back row, my dance instructor Mr. Joel, walked straight towards me in the middle of a class and said these words to me, “What are you doing here in the back?” That was it; that was all he said, and he walked away. It was just enough though. It shocked me out of my pity party. Wow!

Those simple words, “What are you doing here in the back?” made me realize that I had put myself there. No one else had put me there. I had taken my joy away from myself. I had separated myself from one of the greatest gifts I had been given at that point in my life.  I was shocked…at myself.

Mr. Joel’s words took the wind out of my lungs, but they also did more than that. They blew away the selfish sadness I had used to cloud my judgment. Although, I wasn’t completely healed of my anxieties, those words inspired me to take ownership for my role in letting those anxieties get the better of me. They allowed me to say that I could control my happiness as well as my success.

I didn’t want a cloud of confusion or sadness to get the better of me anymore.

As slowly as I had moved to the back of the room, I began moving to the front of the room again. By the end of my senior year, I was dancing wholeheartedly again and I felt good again. I felt successful.

When the senior awards were announced at the end-of-the-year recital, I clapped proudly as a friend of mine was recognized for her great skills and dedication. She deserved it! What I didn’t expect was to have my name mentioned as a close and second runner up. It was quite an honor as well as recognition of those slow steps that I took back to the front of the room.

You see the thing is, no one else can put you in the back of the room and no one else can put you in the front of it again except for you. It’s a very hard concept, especially when you’re sitting in the back. But believe me, you can do it. You may be surprised or shocked when someone points it out to you but be glad and do something about it! Only you can!

·      Think of the ways you put yourself in the back of the room at school, at work or socially.

·      Have you gone back and forth? What did you learn from each of these experiences?

·      What talents do you or do you not live into that bring you joy?

An Introduction to Love and Light

Many years ago I made a deal with God. I’m not sure if you’re supposed to do that, but at the time, it seemed like the only thing to do. I had worked through the trials and tribulations of my early 20’s and had found my way back onto a path better lit for my journey through life.

The path I chose did not come without its challenges. When I finally reached a point of total confusion, I prayed:

“God, if you will let me have this family. I promise you, I will serve you when you call me.”

As those words left my lips, I felt immediately relieved of the burden I was carrying. My mind stopped spinning. My heartbeat steadied. My prayer was answered.

Since then, I’ve been thoughtfully and prayerfully discerning how best to hold up my end of the deal.

I had thought the answer would be as simple as the prayer. You may laugh at my naivety, but I truly believed what was causing me such strife before I struck my deal was indeed the answer. Upon many more years of reflection, stubbornness, and, yes, more confusion, I concluded my calling may be different then I had imagined.

I have been to the wilderness and back. I’ve made good choices and I’ve made bad choices. I’ve realized that what I thought I believed in, I didn’t really know.

I have learned much along life’s journey and am grateful to every loving guide that has helped me along the way. It is with great humility that I write the following stories and reflections in the hope of sharing light and love with others.

With God’s help, I present this book to you and pray:

God, may these words bring comfort and strength to those who read them. May these words engulf their reader in love as I know you so dearly love. May these words inspire and empower him or her to more clearly focus on what is good and right. May these words chase away the fear and darkness and shed light and happiness. May these words lead people to the answers or connections they may be seeking.

Dear God, help us to see as you see, to hear as you hear, to feel as you feel and to love as you love.

Thank you for the gifts and experiences that you have given me and thank you for leading me. My life is better with you.

I pray that these words make a difference. Amen. (So be it!)

With Love and Light,

LT