Love in Death

I’ll never forget the moment as a child when I realized my parents could die. I thought my heart would wrench itself from my rib cage. I couldn’t breathe. I was devastated. When I could no longer stand the night’s darkness and sadness alone, I ran down the hallway on my bare feet, and my parents wrapped their loving arms around me as I wept.

Tonight for my William and Abby, the trigger came surprisingly from the last chapter of a story we thought we knew well. We were all curled up throughout Abby’s room with special lovies, blankets, and pillows, as I read through the last pages. A few sentences caught me off guard myself, but I didn’t realize the depths of my children’s hearts they were reaching. Sweet loving babes.

William was the first. His face hidden in his pillow, he wept for his granddad and gripped the stuffed lion with the heart on its paw, the last gift from a sweet man who loved Valentine’s Day. Abby quickly followed. My steady Abby suddenly appeared downstairs. One minute she was thinking of puffy pink unicorns and the next she was unexplainably scared.

Their daddy hugged them, and I spoke gently, stroking their brows and holding them on my lap.

Our hearts with their great capacity to love can hurt so when that love feels lost, but we must remember that one of God’s greatest gifts is that death does not take that love away. It enables us to be with that love always. For if God who is always with us is love, and we love our loved ones so, then even when they go to be with God they are with us always in God’s love. We are so blessed to have the time to build many, many memories to carry with us in our hearts so that when we do feel that hurt our memories will remind us of our love and comfort us.

Death is not easy, but in it God’s greatest gift of love is revealed in its rawest form. Jesus reminds us of this.

Dear children, I love you so. Hurting does happen, but love does heal. May you find comfort in the love of your mommy and daddy, your grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and each other. You are surrounded by our love and God’s, always. Your hearts are so big. I love the way you love and care.

With love and light,

LT

Love Spread Like Wildfire

I am often overwhelmed by the daily news report. Viewings leave me sad, scared and breathless. There are killings after killings, angry people that see absolutely no good in others and “leaders” that are just after the next sound bite. It certainly does not leave one inspired. Instead I fear that it leads many to feel hopeless.

We are in a very precarious situation in which more and more people have no sense of self worth and therefore see no worth in the lives of others. If their lives are not valued why should they value the lives of anyone else? It becomes easy to dismiss the pain and suffering of others, to snuff out a life or to look the other way.

The more I think about how polarized our society becomes the more I hope for Jesus. In a society built on a treacherous hierarchy where the majority of lives were unvalued, Jesus helped the least of these realize what love is and what it is to be loved. He went into the undesirable neighborhoods and helped to reorganize perceptions of how we should treat one another. Life didn’t necessarily get easier, but communities came together and supported one another. People from different sides of town began to recognize their commonalities and found they could respect one another in this new light. Love spread like wildfire and toppled a corrupt and overbearing regime with peace.

At a loss at the continued killings and arguing over this law or that and his right and her right and so on and so on, I said to my husband, rather vehemently, the other evening, “We NEED Jesus! We need someone who can help people realize that they are loveable and have the ability to love. We need someone who can make people listen again and share kindness towards one another. We need someone who can bring us together not more and more news that will separate us.”

This, too, left me breathless, because as I called out for help, I paused and remembered the somewhat hard part; we have to be Jesus.

Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) wrote “Christ has no body now but yours, no hands, no feet on earth but yours, yours are the eyes through which he looks with compassion on this world. Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good. Yours are the hands with which he blesses all the world. Christ has no body now on earth but yours.”

I am not brave. I do not have all the answers. I am kind one minute and the next something ugly can leave my lips. But I DO believe with every ounce of my body that we must not give up on love. We must keep trying to be good to one another. Instead of dismissing the anger and pain of others, could we address it with kindness? Instead of rising to anger and attack, could we instead work towards peace? Could we stop trying to get ahead of each other and instead help each other out?

I don’t know what this ultimately looks like, but there are others that do. They are out there bravely reaching out to the least of these. Marching in peace through the forgotten neighborhoods and trying to help people feel loved.

Where are the hippies now to put flowers into the guns used in the wars of our streets? Can that moment of stillness be captured again, when the man holding the gun stands still and lets someone reach him in peace and hope?

I want to make a difference and will continue to strive and do so everyday. I may fall short, but I will get up and try again.

God give me the strength to be kind to all I meet. Help me to share love in a way that others know that they are loved even when all feels hopeless. God, help us reach outside of our comfort zones into the uncomfortable space for growth of community. Help us to be Jesus to one another and to realize that we are all yours, each of us a treasure to behold.

#BeJesus #WeNeedYou

With love and light,

LT

Pillar of Salt

Once my son became wary of loneliness and fear, we had to develop some bedtime patterns to help him go to sleep. One of those has been listening to audio stories so that he does not feel alone and has something positive to think about prior to sleeping.

A couple of years ago we received a wonderful series of Bible stories on CD retold by the gifted storyteller Elaine Blanchard. Recorded in her own voice, “Elaine has taken Bible story favorites, dusted them off, added a dash of delight and humor to create a collection of twenty-seven stories for children.” (http://www.elaineblanchard.com/about.html)

My little buddy was having a particularly hard time going to sleep the other night. I was sitting with him while he was listening to his stories, and I happened to catch the names Sarah, Abraham and Lot. Not listening closely, I asked, “Oh, is this the story about when Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt?”

William looked up with me with eyes full of terror and said, “What?!?!? Is that true? Did that really happen? Did God really turn someone into a pillar of salt?”

I stared at him blankly, panicking at the idea I had introduced, and quickly attempted to stutter out some sort of response. Of course this was not one of the stories that Elaine included in her compilation. What was I thinking?

His questions continued with, “Does God still turn people into pillars of salt?”

I gulped, breathed a little, patted his chest and tried to take us through this challenging story that I had unwittingly introduced my child to. What a gift it turned out to be for both of us.

As we searched for meaning in the story together, we talked through why God didn’t want Lot’s wife to look back. God was promising Lot and his family a new life full of hope that would help them to turn away from the challenges and negative influences they were facing behind them.

I didn’t talk to William about the fact that the two cities in question were being destroyed and that was why God was asking his faithful followers to leave.

This has always been a hard story for me because I think people limit it and use it to attack others unlike themselves. It also has a lot of family and societal traditions to which I do not relate and find hard to condone even in historical context.

What I do believe about the story is whatever those people in those towns were doing, it was not with God in mind. Their hearts and eyes were turned away from God and instead set on selfish pleasures. I think we can find plenty of examples today of how we let the world and our own wants take us away from a loving and fulfilling life of simple needs.

As Jesus said, “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone…” (John 8:7)

I asked William what his heart felt like when he felt loved and looked towards things that made him feel happy. He responded saying it made him feel good. I then asked him how it made him feel to be angry or to look towards things that made him mad or sad. I asked him how it made his heart feel. He said, “Heavy.”

I asked, “Do you think that your heart might even feel hard in those moments?”

He nodded, still a little confused.

“What do you think a pillar of salt might feel like?”

“Hard.”

“Perhaps a little unstable, too? If it’s salt, it might fall apart?”

He nodded.

Maybe this story isn’t about God turning Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt but her causing her own hardness and unstableness by looking in the wrong direction. When we focus on the hardships of our past and can’t look towards the future of hope and love that God is providing us, our hearts can be hardened and weak at the same time. We can become like a pillar of salt.

William finally decided he was hot and as his little seven-year-old self expressed, “Exhausted.” It had been a big talk and a very big discussion to end the day.

Before I kissed him goodnight, I thanked him and God for the conversation we had had. It’s certainly not one that I had expected, but it was one I needed. I told William that our talk had helped me realize that I had been looking back and worrying about many things that I knew God didn’t want me to focus on and that in a way I had been hardening my heart. I thanked God for surprising us with this story and giving us a reminder to look forward. (Luke17:20-37)

With love and light,

LT

Start Today!

I don’t want to wait anymore! I want to start today!

I’ve been in a holding pattern. Did my confidence go down? Did life over take me? I’m not sure, but I do know with all that I have been doing…I haven’t really been doing.

So, today I am going to start!

The light streamed through the windows alerting me today was the day. My angel dog pushed open the door, and it was time to go.

This idea has been on my heart and in my mind for quite some time. I’ve been going through the routine of life, but at some point I lost a sense of me along the way. My fulfillment meter got a little off.

I don’t remember why I stopped, but when I did stop I at least let myself be challenged to some recovery work. Thank God I cut down on the no’s enough to say yes to this: I started reading. Everyday. I read some reflections, but mostly I concentrated on starting one book and finishing it. Picking up another book and finishing it. Starting and finishing. Good practice and great inspiration.

The first of three books leading me to today was “A Circle of Quiet” by Madeleine L’Engle. Although written over forty years ago, it was as if she was sitting next to me talking. This time with Ms. L’Engle reminded me of my personal need for quiet contemplation and the beauty of creation balanced by action that leads to a sense of positive impact.

The second book, I picked up in a gift shop in Franklin, Tennessee and read cover to cover. The title: “Start Today.” Already deep in reflection mode, I looked up, laughed and said, “Ok,” with a smile.

The third book was “The Opposite of Loneliness: Essays and Stories” by Marina Keegan. The cover of a lovely young lady in a mustard yellow coat had grabbed my attention as I quickly walked through a bookstore last month with my daughter. As I scanned the reviews, I realized I was going to need to walk out of the store with this book in my possession. Once I realized the tragedy of Marina’s story, I almost got scared of it. I wasn’t sure where to place it and couldn’t bear to take it with me on my next road trip. Finally, I got over my fear and picked up her precious book lovingly compiled by her parents, Tracy and Kevin Keegan, and Yale professor Anne Fadiman.

With each essay, I was continually amazed. I found the creativity, structure and characters of each story compelling. I was wowed by Marina’s no-stop attitude, her “32 single-spaced pages of interesting stuff” in her life, the quality of her work produced between ages 18 and 22 and her absolute belief she would be a writer.

Although this book was published after her death, and perhaps these essays might not have been published otherwise, I have no doubt that ultimately Marina would have achieved her goal. Not necessarily because of sheer talent but because she had the right kind of attitude: I am going to start today!

So I got up today ready to start! Already I can feel my heart filing. Already I can feel my energy in a better place. I’ve sat quietly. I’ve enjoyed the beauty of the morning. I’ve written this reflection and now…here I go!

With love and light,

LT

The Yellow Brick Road Discovery

I recently sat with my children while they watched “The Wizard of Oz” for the first time. We ended up all wrapped up in a chair together, small legs and arms all entwined, as they weren’t quite sure what to make of The Wicked Witch of the West. We started a practice of sticking out our tongues and blowing her a raspberry every time she arrived on screen.

While we were listening to the merry tunes and watching the traveling companions make their way down the yellow brick road, I reflected on what was really limiting Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion. It was Lion that got me started.

 

Towards the climactic end, fearful, scaredy cat Lion led the pack of friends up the mountain to rescue Dorothy. Despite his fear, he was brave. He just didn’t recognize it. His self-consciousness wouldn’t let him admit that he was already courageous even in the face of danger. I said out loud to my children, “See, you can be scared and brave at the same time.”

As I watched Lion lead the way, I thought through how Dorothy and each of her friends had been unaware of the gifts they already possessed. Even without a brain, so he thought, Scarecrow knew which way to go to get to Oz. It was the first way he directed Dorothy to go. He also saved the day when he realized that with the swing of Tin Man’s ax he could help his company escape from the Wicked Witch’s soldiers. He had those smarts all along. He just didn’t trust himself because surely a lowly Scarecrow could not think of such simple greatness.

From the moment we met Tin Man, he exuded kindness. The tone of his voice and kindness towards Dorothy and Scarecrow was evident, and throughout their adventures he continued to provide them positive encouragement time and time again. His empathy brought tears to his eyes. If that’s not heart, I don’t know what is.

Sweet Dorothy…the way home was with her all along. She only had to believe. She had to realize that she was running away from love. She had been surrounded by family and friends who caught her when she fell, stood up to wickedness even though at the time they felt powerless, waited patiently for her return and joyously celebrated as she opened her eyes.

I hope and pray that you find the positive inspiration you need to discover the unique and wonderful you and that you recognize how deeply you are loved.

• Are you on a search? Who/what are the positive or negative voices of reason in your life? Are you listening to them?
• What gifts and talents are you not recognizing or accepting in yourself?
• What is holding you back from accepting and using your gifts and talents?