Start Today!

I don’t want to wait anymore! I want to start today!

I’ve been in a holding pattern. Did my confidence go down? Did life over take me? I’m not sure, but I do know with all that I have been doing…I haven’t really been doing.

So, today I am going to start!

The light streamed through the windows alerting me today was the day. My angel dog pushed open the door, and it was time to go.

This idea has been on my heart and in my mind for quite some time. I’ve been going through the routine of life, but at some point I lost a sense of me along the way. My fulfillment meter got a little off.

I don’t remember why I stopped, but when I did stop I at least let myself be challenged to some recovery work. Thank God I cut down on the no’s enough to say yes to this: I started reading. Everyday. I read some reflections, but mostly I concentrated on starting one book and finishing it. Picking up another book and finishing it. Starting and finishing. Good practice and great inspiration.

The first of three books leading me to today was “A Circle of Quiet” by Madeleine L’Engle. Although written over forty years ago, it was as if she was sitting next to me talking. This time with Ms. L’Engle reminded me of my personal need for quiet contemplation and the beauty of creation balanced by action that leads to a sense of positive impact.

The second book, I picked up in a gift shop in Franklin, Tennessee and read cover to cover. The title: “Start Today.” Already deep in reflection mode, I looked up, laughed and said, “Ok,” with a smile.

The third book was “The Opposite of Loneliness: Essays and Stories” by Marina Keegan. The cover of a lovely young lady in a mustard yellow coat had grabbed my attention as I quickly walked through a bookstore last month with my daughter. As I scanned the reviews, I realized I was going to need to walk out of the store with this book in my possession. Once I realized the tragedy of Marina’s story, I almost got scared of it. I wasn’t sure where to place it and couldn’t bear to take it with me on my next road trip. Finally, I got over my fear and picked up her precious book lovingly compiled by her parents, Tracy and Kevin Keegan, and Yale professor Anne Fadiman.

With each essay, I was continually amazed. I found the creativity, structure and characters of each story compelling. I was wowed by Marina’s no-stop attitude, her “32 single-spaced pages of interesting stuff” in her life, the quality of her work produced between ages 18 and 22 and her absolute belief she would be a writer.

Although this book was published after her death, and perhaps these essays might not have been published otherwise, I have no doubt that ultimately Marina would have achieved her goal. Not necessarily because of sheer talent but because she had the right kind of attitude: I am going to start today!

So I got up today ready to start! Already I can feel my heart filing. Already I can feel my energy in a better place. I’ve sat quietly. I’ve enjoyed the beauty of the morning. I’ve written this reflection and now…here I go!

With love and light,

LT

In the beginning was the Word

Baptized at the age of one or so in the Episcopal Church, I grew up feeling quite confident that I had a good understanding of Christianity. I knew God was amazing and that I was loved unconditionally. I sang with gusto during worship services. The Nicene Creed fascinated me. I had the Prayers of the People and Communion memorized and served diligently most Sundays as an acolyte. We had a dedicated youth group with close relationships and fantastic adult mentors to teach our Sunday School classes. Yes, growing up Episcopalian was pretty awesome! I seemed to have this church thing all figured out.

In my late twenties, I was thrilled to be asked to be a godmother. Determined to take my duties seriously, I showed up for the baptismal classes to prepare for this new responsibility. The class began by reviewing The Baptismal Covenant. As the priest led a discussion of the questions and answers we would be called to give on behalf of our godchildren, my heart started to pound a little harder. The first part was easy; do you believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit? Yes! But quickly, I realized this was feeling more complicated. Will you continue in the apostles’ teaching and fellowship… (wait, what does that mean?) Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord? (Uh,oh) Will you proclaim by word and example the Good News of God in Christ? (Ummm) Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself? Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being? (Oh, goodness…am I doing all of this?) Book of Common Prayer, pg 304

Although still very much looking forward to becoming a godmother, I was suddenly feeling ill equipped. I had a great start, but I was realizing God may be even greater than I had imagined thus far, and it was time to start seeing how I could live more fully into my Christian faith. So, I started at the beginning…The Word.

Our priests at Calvary were very supportive of my little quest. They visited with me about different ways to approach studying the Bible. They helped me organize study groups. We started small but stayed dedicated. It turns out there were others seeking more, too, and the Bible studies grew. We had big questions and invited the Holy Spirit to help us with the answers. We kept it simple and didn’t require homework. We just committed to showing up once a week. I kind of tear up thinking about how this simple approach brought such a magnitude of joy to my life and to others.

Looking back, I realize I started studying the Bible in the same way that I had been approaching my faith. It was a very insular pattern. Church had worked for me thus far, but it was just me and God. This baptism, this invitation, opened up a window in my soul that I didn’t even realize was there or that I needed it. It reminded me that not only was there more to God and what God was asking of me, but there was also more to Church.

I will thank God for all my days for the way that Bible Study

• helped me to better understand Jesus and His amazing gift and example;
• enabled me to trust and call on God for help;
• gave me insight and empathy into the lives and experiences of others;
• taught me to be quiet and to listen;
• blessed me with cherished friendships and a support system that defies description;
• challenged me to do more that means more;
• opened up my concept of ministry, calling and community;
• brought me peace and increased my capacity to love.

My baptism and my goddaughter’s mark two important chapters in my life. My Episcopal upbringing gave me an incredibly joyful faith foundation, but the addition of Bible study gave me the true Church and connected me to the Kingdom of God. I hope it will do the same for you!

“Heavenly Father, we thank you that by water and the Holy Spirit you have bestowed upon these your servants the forgiveness of sin, and have raised them to the new life of grace. Sustain them, O Lord, in your Holy Spirit. Give them an inquiring and discerning heart, the courage and will to persevere, a spirit to know and to love you, and the gift of joy and wonder in all your works. Amen.”

Book of Common Prayer, pg 308

This post was originally published as an article for the June 1, 2015 Chronicle (a great issue I encourage you to read more of) for Calvary Episcopal Church in Memphis, Tennessee. On hiatus since Lent, I was thankful for the "ask" to write and the call back to With Love and Light, LT. I've missed you and me. Glad to be back.