In the beginning was the Word

Baptized at the age of one or so in the Episcopal Church, I grew up feeling quite confident that I had a good understanding of Christianity. I knew God was amazing and that I was loved unconditionally. I sang with gusto during worship services. The Nicene Creed fascinated me. I had the Prayers of the People and Communion memorized and served diligently most Sundays as an acolyte. We had a dedicated youth group with close relationships and fantastic adult mentors to teach our Sunday School classes. Yes, growing up Episcopalian was pretty awesome! I seemed to have this church thing all figured out.

In my late twenties, I was thrilled to be asked to be a godmother. Determined to take my duties seriously, I showed up for the baptismal classes to prepare for this new responsibility. The class began by reviewing The Baptismal Covenant. As the priest led a discussion of the questions and answers we would be called to give on behalf of our godchildren, my heart started to pound a little harder. The first part was easy; do you believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit? Yes! But quickly, I realized this was feeling more complicated. Will you continue in the apostles’ teaching and fellowship… (wait, what does that mean?) Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord? (Uh,oh) Will you proclaim by word and example the Good News of God in Christ? (Ummm) Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself? Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being? (Oh, goodness…am I doing all of this?) Book of Common Prayer, pg 304

Although still very much looking forward to becoming a godmother, I was suddenly feeling ill equipped. I had a great start, but I was realizing God may be even greater than I had imagined thus far, and it was time to start seeing how I could live more fully into my Christian faith. So, I started at the beginning…The Word.

Our priests at Calvary were very supportive of my little quest. They visited with me about different ways to approach studying the Bible. They helped me organize study groups. We started small but stayed dedicated. It turns out there were others seeking more, too, and the Bible studies grew. We had big questions and invited the Holy Spirit to help us with the answers. We kept it simple and didn’t require homework. We just committed to showing up once a week. I kind of tear up thinking about how this simple approach brought such a magnitude of joy to my life and to others.

Looking back, I realize I started studying the Bible in the same way that I had been approaching my faith. It was a very insular pattern. Church had worked for me thus far, but it was just me and God. This baptism, this invitation, opened up a window in my soul that I didn’t even realize was there or that I needed it. It reminded me that not only was there more to God and what God was asking of me, but there was also more to Church.

I will thank God for all my days for the way that Bible Study

• helped me to better understand Jesus and His amazing gift and example;
• enabled me to trust and call on God for help;
• gave me insight and empathy into the lives and experiences of others;
• taught me to be quiet and to listen;
• blessed me with cherished friendships and a support system that defies description;
• challenged me to do more that means more;
• opened up my concept of ministry, calling and community;
• brought me peace and increased my capacity to love.

My baptism and my goddaughter’s mark two important chapters in my life. My Episcopal upbringing gave me an incredibly joyful faith foundation, but the addition of Bible study gave me the true Church and connected me to the Kingdom of God. I hope it will do the same for you!

“Heavenly Father, we thank you that by water and the Holy Spirit you have bestowed upon these your servants the forgiveness of sin, and have raised them to the new life of grace. Sustain them, O Lord, in your Holy Spirit. Give them an inquiring and discerning heart, the courage and will to persevere, a spirit to know and to love you, and the gift of joy and wonder in all your works. Amen.”

Book of Common Prayer, pg 308

This post was originally published as an article for the June 1, 2015 Chronicle (a great issue I encourage you to read more of) for Calvary Episcopal Church in Memphis, Tennessee. On hiatus since Lent, I was thankful for the "ask" to write and the call back to With Love and Light, LT. I've missed you and me. Glad to be back.

Boundless Love

Well, my heart just about burst today. The pressure had been building over several days and today it reached a whole new level. I had to take a time out to gather my thoughts and to spend time with God in reflection. I knew I was experiencing something extraordinary and wanted to embrace it and accept it fully.

It all began with a special birthday.

I know I’ve had special birthdays in the past…the time my parents threw me a party at the old amusement park in Little Rock including a ride around its ancient merry-go-round and the time I got to host a dance, albeit in a tiny little rented out room at a local tennis club but a dance none-the-less for my thirteenth birthday. The eve of my twenty-seventh birthday upon which Andrew proposed to me is among the best, but this year’s was especially unique. It wasn’t just one moment that was special. It was hours and hours and hours of love being poured out from every connection I could imagine. I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and care shared with me on this anniversary of my birth.

After an exhausting yet rewarding day at work, the celebration began with a simple surprise dinner planned by my children and husband that included flowers picked out especially by son and daughter, a decorated TV tray with pasta and a ukulele serenade. The joy continued with cupcakes, hugs, cards and an abundance of calls, texts and messages via facebook. There was nothing grand about this birthday, it just happened to remind me second after second of how loved I am. My heart and mind were open to the acceptance of that love giving me access to that thin space that lies between us and God. It was a pure taste of heaven.

The joy continued throughout the weekend, and this morning, I came to the mountaintop as I reflected on the words presented by The Rev. Dr. Dan Matthews, who was visiting my church, Calvary Episcopal Church, as a guest preacher and speaker. As Dr. Matthew’s reflected on John’s gospel reading of the woman at the well (John 4:5-42), he said, “It always changes your life when you find acceptance.”

I had yet been able to express how I felt about this birthday. That simple statement of Dr. Matthews’ summed it up for me. Regardless of past or recent mistakes or self-professed failings, over the past 48 hours more than a hundred people had reached out to wish me well and to celebrate me. Not only did this morning’s reflection enable me to recognize God’s boundless love reaching out to me through each loving and kind word shared with me, it also gave me a moment to realize that perhaps what had made this birthday so special was also my own acceptance of myself.

This message to us during the service began to help shed light on my birthday reflections, but it was his following presentation on incarnational theology that brought it into powerful perspective. As I listened to him describe his own faith experience and vocation through the Episcopal Church, I found myself beaming with agreement and felt tears welling up in my eyes. He gave example after example of the Episcopal Church choosing to act in love and recognizing ours and others humanness. I won’t try to fully explain his views on incarnational theology here but promise to post his class as soon as it is available online. In simple terms, it’s about approaching each person who crosses your path with boundless love. That’s how I’ve tried to live my live, and I am grateful to all those who have shared God’s love with me.

Dr. Matthews’ words connected deeply with my soul. The love he was describing, I had recently experienced in all its glory. As the class ended, I stood and tried to walk out of the class space as discreetly and as quickly as possible. I knew I was experiencing a holy moment (and I was about to lose it…I mean fall apart from it’s intensity).

I walked into the empty church and fell into the second pew. Sunlight beamed down upon me as tears streamed down my face. I wept…not in sadness but from great happiness and in sincere gratitude. They were tears of immense joy brought upon by my ability in that moment to acknowledge and embrace the full grace of God.

I took healing and strengthening breaths. I imaged with each breath the Holy Spirit filling my lungs with strength for the journey I would face again when I walked down off of this mountain and back out that door. I stared into the beautiful stained glass window before me. The longer I sat there the brighter the colors became and the clearer the image in front of me. I realized it was the baptismal font, the image reminding me of the promises I have made:

Will you proclaim by word and example the Good
News of God in Christ?

I will, with God’s help.

Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving
your neighbor as yourself?

I will, with God’s help.

Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?

I will, with God’s help.

(The Book of Common Prayer, pg. 305)

I smiled. I took deeper breaths. I gave myself some time. I reckoned that it took Moses 40 days to come off of the mountaintop. I smiled again. I took another deep breath.

After promising to continue striving to live into my baptismal promises as best I could, my eyes raised further. There in the upmost point of the window, at it’s brightest, was the dove, the Holy Spirit Itself. I stared at the image, the light powerful and yet comfortingly not forcing my eyes to close. They stayed fixed upon the light until the brightness of the dove was emblazoned upon my sight and led me forward, the center of my vision.

Boundless love for my birthday. Thanks to God and to all of you for sharing this most amazing birthday gift. God give me the strength to share the same with others.

With love and light,

LT