Please don’t squash my happy!

So, here’s the deal. I can go to the really, really dark places, or let me say, I have been to the really, really dark places. Those dark times were like being trapped and having no concept (or really even desire) of how to get out. But, it’s funny how light works. It always finds a way of shining through the darkness. We just have to open ourselves up to seeing it.

I’m thankful that during those dark and yucky times love kept blinking at me, and I eventually started to let it shine bright enough that I didn’t see the darkness anymore. I started to let the light in by…

• Accepting the love and commitment of my family and friends
• Completing simple projects that helped me realize my self confidence
• Having the courage to accept the help of nurturing and challenging counselors and taking their recommended medication
• Standing up for myself against naysayers
• Letting go of pain causers and throwing away bad memory triggers
• Taking an interest in my appearance and health
• Creating positive new friendships and re-establishing important friendships
• Admitting that life could be a whole lot worse and that I didn’t want it to be
• Loving and caring for my angel dog and having fun playing
• Realizing I wanted more
• Enjoying my gifts, talents and interests
• Deepening my faith through study, prayer and small-group community
• Finding a vocation that fulfills my need to make meaningful and effective contributions to help others

Once I set my determination towards moving away from those tough times with lessons and strength gathered through these experiences, there was some back and forth. Fortunately, as the days and years ticked by, I started to get a stronger sense of moving forward rather than backward. I made the conscious choice to work hard not to let the darkness dampen that light again.

I strive to be a positive, happy and loving person, but I’ll admit to you sometimes it’s hard to stay consistent. Angry and loud voices, violence, the feeling of constraint or being ignored, negativity and disrespect, especially in repetition towards me or others, can make it difficult to keep my happy. But dang it, I say, “DON’T SQUASH MY HAPPY!”

I love making my children happy and hearing my husband laugh. I love finding beauty in nature, art, music and in the kindness of others. I love good stories and happy movies. I love birthdays and reasons to celebrate. I love a great conversation and good times spent with family and friends. My ability to focus on these positives is what I think draws my family and friends toward me and strengthens my support network.  

I have to remind myself of what's really important and those lessons I learned getting myself out of the dark in the first place. So, I say, “DON’T SQUASH MY HAPPY!” and please, don’t let others squash yours. There’s always a way out of the darkness. Remember that light is blinking at you. Try to stay focused on it. It takes help, but you can do it. Realizing the YOU part is important.

With love and light,
LT