Boundless Love

Well, my heart just about burst today. The pressure had been building over several days and today it reached a whole new level. I had to take a time out to gather my thoughts and to spend time with God in reflection. I knew I was experiencing something extraordinary and wanted to embrace it and accept it fully.

It all began with a special birthday.

I know I’ve had special birthdays in the past…the time my parents threw me a party at the old amusement park in Little Rock including a ride around its ancient merry-go-round and the time I got to host a dance, albeit in a tiny little rented out room at a local tennis club but a dance none-the-less for my thirteenth birthday. The eve of my twenty-seventh birthday upon which Andrew proposed to me is among the best, but this year’s was especially unique. It wasn’t just one moment that was special. It was hours and hours and hours of love being poured out from every connection I could imagine. I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and care shared with me on this anniversary of my birth.

After an exhausting yet rewarding day at work, the celebration began with a simple surprise dinner planned by my children and husband that included flowers picked out especially by son and daughter, a decorated TV tray with pasta and a ukulele serenade. The joy continued with cupcakes, hugs, cards and an abundance of calls, texts and messages via facebook. There was nothing grand about this birthday, it just happened to remind me second after second of how loved I am. My heart and mind were open to the acceptance of that love giving me access to that thin space that lies between us and God. It was a pure taste of heaven.

The joy continued throughout the weekend, and this morning, I came to the mountaintop as I reflected on the words presented by The Rev. Dr. Dan Matthews, who was visiting my church, Calvary Episcopal Church, as a guest preacher and speaker. As Dr. Matthew’s reflected on John’s gospel reading of the woman at the well (John 4:5-42), he said, “It always changes your life when you find acceptance.”

I had yet been able to express how I felt about this birthday. That simple statement of Dr. Matthews’ summed it up for me. Regardless of past or recent mistakes or self-professed failings, over the past 48 hours more than a hundred people had reached out to wish me well and to celebrate me. Not only did this morning’s reflection enable me to recognize God’s boundless love reaching out to me through each loving and kind word shared with me, it also gave me a moment to realize that perhaps what had made this birthday so special was also my own acceptance of myself.

This message to us during the service began to help shed light on my birthday reflections, but it was his following presentation on incarnational theology that brought it into powerful perspective. As I listened to him describe his own faith experience and vocation through the Episcopal Church, I found myself beaming with agreement and felt tears welling up in my eyes. He gave example after example of the Episcopal Church choosing to act in love and recognizing ours and others humanness. I won’t try to fully explain his views on incarnational theology here but promise to post his class as soon as it is available online. In simple terms, it’s about approaching each person who crosses your path with boundless love. That’s how I’ve tried to live my live, and I am grateful to all those who have shared God’s love with me.

Dr. Matthews’ words connected deeply with my soul. The love he was describing, I had recently experienced in all its glory. As the class ended, I stood and tried to walk out of the class space as discreetly and as quickly as possible. I knew I was experiencing a holy moment (and I was about to lose it…I mean fall apart from it’s intensity).

I walked into the empty church and fell into the second pew. Sunlight beamed down upon me as tears streamed down my face. I wept…not in sadness but from great happiness and in sincere gratitude. They were tears of immense joy brought upon by my ability in that moment to acknowledge and embrace the full grace of God.

I took healing and strengthening breaths. I imaged with each breath the Holy Spirit filling my lungs with strength for the journey I would face again when I walked down off of this mountain and back out that door. I stared into the beautiful stained glass window before me. The longer I sat there the brighter the colors became and the clearer the image in front of me. I realized it was the baptismal font, the image reminding me of the promises I have made:

Will you proclaim by word and example the Good
News of God in Christ?

I will, with God’s help.

Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving
your neighbor as yourself?

I will, with God’s help.

Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?

I will, with God’s help.

(The Book of Common Prayer, pg. 305)

I smiled. I took deeper breaths. I gave myself some time. I reckoned that it took Moses 40 days to come off of the mountaintop. I smiled again. I took another deep breath.

After promising to continue striving to live into my baptismal promises as best I could, my eyes raised further. There in the upmost point of the window, at it’s brightest, was the dove, the Holy Spirit Itself. I stared at the image, the light powerful and yet comfortingly not forcing my eyes to close. They stayed fixed upon the light until the brightness of the dove was emblazoned upon my sight and led me forward, the center of my vision.

Boundless love for my birthday. Thanks to God and to all of you for sharing this most amazing birthday gift. God give me the strength to share the same with others.

With love and light,

LT

Be the Change

Yesterday, my sister was amazed at my brilliant parenting skills (ha!) as I stopped a squabble between my children regarding a shared snack and one pair of sunglasses in the afternoon sun. I quickly put a towel over their heads and suggested that they eat their snack in a tent. Squabble over (at least until the first child knocked the new form of shelter off his or her head.) I don’t credit brilliant parenting for this result; I credit change. From childhood misunderstandings to greater personal woes, change may be just what is called for to make life a happier experience.

The example of the towel over the head is simple redirection that children easily tend to accept. Redirection is not complicated, but can lead to positive change and even giggles. Adults need redirection, too; perhaps all that is needed is a change of scenery (or a towel over the head); just taking a walk around the block can often lead to clarity of mind and heart.

I believe subtle changes we make in our lives can have ripple effects that lead to greater change around us. These moments of pause, these redirections, often enable us to get out of our own way. They give the Divine the opportunity to open our eyes, open our hearts, open our ears, open our minds to paths untaken or perhaps even unimagined.

If our normal response to irritation is to rise to anger or become defensive, I wonder what might happen if instead we took a deep breath and paused before responding with gentleness or empathy? Or, what if our response is always silence? What might happen if we spoke up? What kind of greater change might these redirections present to ourselves or the people around us?

In Christian denominations following liturgical seasons, it is the season of Lent, a time when a lot of people are thinking about change. They’ve either given things up or added daily practices such as journaling, exercising or praying in the hopes of bringing positive changes to their lives and to others as we approach Easter and the celebration of new life, new awareness and greater connection to ourselves and our relationships with God.

I also know that during this season there are many people facing other great and perhaps unexpected or unplanned changes in their lives: the loss of a loved one, the birth of a new child, a new marriage, a divorce, a move, a job transition, an illness. 

It is each person’s choice in how they will respond to change. I have been inspired by the strength, faith and energy expressed by the people in my life facing particular changes as of late. They’ve looked upon these new chapters in their lives with hope and are letting go of what may have kept them from being fully engaged in their last chapters. They are embracing wholeness and enabling God to empower them for what lies ahead. Their positive radiance is beauty to behold.

Major change doesn’t happen over night. Usually it’s thoughtfully (often times tearfully) considered over a long period of time before we’re able to let go and let God help us through what needs to be done to open new chapters in our lives. Sometimes it’s not major change that is needed; we may just need a slight shift.

Michael Jackson’s song “Man in the Mirror,” suggests that if you want change, start with the “man in the mirror.” This is a favorite song of the girls in my Thursday Theological Thinkers group, and I’m always amazed at how often I get into the car after one of our discussions and find it playing on the radio.

So here for your enjoyment and inspiration is Michael Jackson and his lyrics with tribute to Ghandi, who said, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” The short version… be the change you wish to see in the world.

With love and light,

LT

Lean In

I’m reading “Lean In: Women, Work, and The Will to Lead” by Sheryl Sandberg, and I can’t get through five or six pages without having to stop, my mind a churn with reflections on my career path and the people and decisions that have made impacts on my journey. I’m fortunate that as I’ve been reading, my husband, Andrew, has been sitting next to me driving us to our spring break destination giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts aloud from time to time.

I’m not sure I was the bossy young girl that Sheryl has described in interviews, although I did get the nickname Skipper when my friends and I were old enough to head to the lake on our own for summertime fun. I didn’t think much of it; I was just making sure our boating activities for the day were organized and that everyone was on board. The older version of me can now reflect on my Skipper days and identify my early drive to get things done and get them done well.

My dad named my dearest friends from high school and college “The Power Women or Power Ladies.” When he first dubbed them this, I thought, that’s nice. Now decades later, I realize how insightful he was to recognize the potential we already displayed at a young age. I’ve continued to add more power women and men to my circle of friends. We’ve fed off of one another’s energy, kindness and support and along with our own initiative, faith and the support of colleagues, mentors and partners have seen our lives propelled forward in positive and powerful ways. I can’t help but see their faces flash before me with a smile as I read Sheryl Sandberg’s recollections.

I also find myself pouring gratitude out for the mentors whose words and actions I have soaked up like a sponge. In stubbornness or fear to admit or own my gifts and talents, it may have taken me some time to step as far as they knew I could, but I have taken great strides, and I’m not done yet.

I’m thankful to be surrounded by “Lean In” kind of people. I appreciate the way that we can encourage one another and how it enables each of us to radiate positive energy outward to make a difference in others lives. I’m thankful that Sheryl Sandberg took the time to compile her words of wisdom. Many of her suggestions are lessons I’ve lived by for years. Similarly, I have struggled with timing and how to strategically make change without guilt or hesitancy. Although my children are only 5 and 7, I’ve already been thinking through the inscription I want to add to the copy of my book to hopefully inspire them to “Lean In.”

I highly recommend that both men and women take the time to read this book. I think you’ll find it insightful and inspiring. I found it reaffirming and a welcome opportunity to reflect on a life that has been challenging, joyful and rewarding. I’m grateful to God everyday for this “jungle gym” in which I’ve had the pleasure to play, learn, grow and love. I hope that you, too, “Lean In.”

With Love and Light,

LT